I have always wondered where the next stage of my life will take me. Even in high school, I could hear the little voices in my head telling me that when I get to college, life would be so much better, easier, enjoyable, you name it; It would be better! Not that my life was miserable, I just always looked ahead to the next thing and anticipated the new excitement and joy that would come. To my surprise the next stage of my life did not turn out like I thought. It is like standing in an never-ending-line at an amusment park waiting for the hottest new roller coaster and when you FINALLY make it on the ride the twists and turns make you nausious and you end up with whiplash. But you talk it up like it was awesome because that is what everyone expects. Yeah, that's my life.
This has been a running theme in my life and I have come to realize that many people share my frustration with always looking to what is next. This is not always a bad trait. I always enjoy fantasizing about what will come next, weather it be going on a weekend trip, moving across the country, getting married, whatever. It takes my mind off the present worries and stresses that life provides us all. It is a healthy coping mechanisim that has been ingrained in me since my mother would yell at me across the house saying, "You just wait for what's coming next!" after punching my brother in the face and running away laughing. Okay so maybe not the best example. But my mother did prepare me for looking forward to the future when I would compain abut high school, she would tell me that college would be better. When I complained about college, she would tell me that having a job would be better. To her surprise, I went to graduate school and complained some more. I think she gave up after that. However, she is still a very comforting person to tell your worries.
I have realized that in all of my time looking for what is next, I need to learn how to enjoy the ride. I try to go with the flow as much as possible and I think I do this well enough. But when things aren't going my way I always think that whatever comes next will always be better. Well, guess what? It's not! It may be different and new and exciting for awhile, but better? Not sure on that one. If I keep doing this I will be 90 and asking myself where my life went? But I will never find the answer because I will be looking for the next new exciting stage in my life that will inevitably be death. (I hope by that time, I have learned to be happy with what I have).
My new goal is to enjoy what I have (I am very grateful for the priviledges and opportunities I have been given), enjoy the moment, and while I can look forward to certain events and wonder what is next, I will try to be happy in my present situation. Even if it is nausiating and causes whiplash, it could be worse and I should be grateful that I was given the opportunity to get on that ride.
